A few months after my dad died (May 2004) I bought a book by Gregory Lang called “Why a Son Needs a Dad: 100 Reasons.” I resonated with his reasons and flipped through the book often to remember the blessing of my own dad. Seven years have passed since I last saw him, and though he is gone, his life still leads me today.

I’m behind this year, but every year I try to make a habit out of writing tributes to my father between his death (May 19th) and Father’s day (3rd Sunday of June). The span is always about one month, or 30 days, thus the tag “30 days for dad.” Today I want to share one of the most important reasons a son needs a dad: to teach him how to die.

Physically, we all die, and in a very real sense my dad taught me how to die well. Every dad should live with a vision of the end in mind. But beyond losing your physical life I also mean dying to your selfishness and comforts for the sake of following Christ and helping others. When I was 21 God called me to a life of missionary church planting in Japan. I wrestled with many fears the summer leading into my senior year of college. Most of all, I wrestled with how true the claims of the Bible were. Above all other earthly influences, my dad gave me courage to trust God and fully believe the Bible. He gave me the courage to die.

In 2008, four years after his death, my dad helped me to say these words at the end of a public appeal for support.

“In light of today’s baby dedication, I have a word specifically for the fathers. What is the effect of a father who loves Jesus more than his kids and proves it through living and dying?

I am not afraid to die and lose my life in obedience to Christ. Eternity and the reward of Christ, and the thousands to be found in Christ are worth the temporary sacrifices of leaving behind a life in America, the dreams I had for my future family, and the unknown and unseen trials prepared as my cross. Because I saw my dad suffer, and die, and prove the truth of his life in the words of his death. No man is wide eyed praising Jesus in the midst of cancer unless the Bible is true. No man; and no man can die faithful if he has not cultivated a life of faithfulness seeking after the Lord. So cultivate, and don’t be deceived by wishful thinking. Start today, start now. God will give you grace like he gave my father. You will succeed.”

Every son will be called to lose his life in obedience to Christ. Dads, how are you teaching your sons to die well?

There’s a new wave of students we are about to meet this fall. Please pray for hundreds of relationships to be built like the ones I have had with my 3 friends.

(Tokyo, 2010. 3 white shirts = Eiichi, Satoshi, and Naoki)

1) It spreads His fame. The reality is, I share God’s work in my life and the lives of others more passionately and frequently because I need people to help me. The seasons where my need for support are greatest result in the greatest amount of people hearing about the victories of God. He loves receiving the praise due His name.

2) It humbles proud men like me, who would easily take the credit for the fruit of ministry. You can be organized, winsome, well-networked, and everything else that people use to get an edge, but you are still asking people to give money to YOU, without anything material in return. No one has to give me anything; anything is grace that I do not deserve; God controls the wallet. I must rely on Him.

3) It give people an opportunity to tangibly store up more treasure in heaven and not on earth. I raise funds so that I can win people to Christ as growing disciples and train them to do the same. This means that those who are affected by my ministry can say to supporters, “Your money resulted in my life being changed for eternity. Thank you for investing your treasure in people like me.”

Personally, I love to support other missionaries and watch their progress because I know that I am directly contributing to their growth and the lives they are being used to transform. I’m not sure what happens in my 401(k), but I will bet blindly that these changes are more exciting.

4) It makes people aware of places and people who are greatly in need of God’s grace. If people like me didn’t have to gather a team of supporters, how would the masses ever know where the needs were? This is how I first heard that there was even a need in Japan–receiving the newsletter of a family friend who served with Athletes in Action in Japan.

5) It helps people have deeper faith in God’s word. The reason I specifically ask people to support me financially, and not just through prayer, is because your heart (and prayer) follows your money. Giving $100 a month to something is felt by most people, and it begs the question, “Why?” Giving money to gospel ventures like missionaries only makes sense if the Bible is true, God is who He says He is, eternity is real, and the gospel can truly save.

Thank you for all who are supporting me, financially and beyond. You are truly my support in this mission to reach Japan. None of my efforts could exist apart from your faith and generosity. As cliche as it may be, we are a team.

In the fall of 2003, during football season of my senior year of high school, my dad began to notice a pain in his back. After going in for a scan that revealed a tumor, we discovered that the tumor was cancerous. This news came the day before Thanksgiving, 2003.

Three months later, on february 21, 2004, my eighteenth birthday, dad sat our family down to share the results of the chemotherapy treatment: ineffective–the cancer had gotten worse. Then he told us that apart from God healing him he would die in a few years. Death was imminent.

Those few years ended up being months. Three months later, on May 19, 2004, he died and went to be with Jesus. Two weeks later, I graduated from high school in tears.

There are many stories that can be told–which I intend to tell in time–covering the numerous experiences and lessons learned during and after this time. These 13 lessons (I ran to my computer and wrote them after talking) are everything I remember from my last conversations with my dad.

I went to him hating God, confused and distraught, franticly looking for answers. He was leaving too fast; I wasn’t ready. “What about my little brother and sister”, I thought. “What about money, what about college, what about mom?” When we talked, I asked him one overarching question, with a heart ready to fulfill whatever answer came back. It was a blank check for my life: “Dad, what do you want me to do with my life? Tell me what to do.”

He did not waver: “Please God, and you will please me.” There was, literally, not even a second of thinking before he responded. It was not what I was looking for, nor what I had expected. Nothing about making money, or playing collegiate sports, or fulfilling some ministry dream he had. Just follow God wherever he calls you, period.

I left that conversation wanting and angry; today I rejoice for this gift of freedom and the courage to lose my life in obedience to Christ. He alone, Jesus, is my deepest lasting possession.

My dad’s words are my treasure. It has taken me six years to understand what he said to me in those last days. I trust that I will learn more deeply what he meant as I continue to walk with Jesus, the same Lord and God my father followed. May you be as blessed by these words as I have, and may you know God in such a way–to live and die as a fragrant offering to Jesus.

13 posts to follow expanding on each lesson

1 A godly man lives to give his life away
2 When Kaori or John (younger siblings) is angry or argues or anything (about what happened), they just want to know that they are special. Don’t argue. Hug them. Love them.
3 It is better to give than to receive. Far better. Learn this, live by it.
4 Deep questions, ask Uncle Harry and Pastor Gary. They know dad’s heart.
5 Love family. More important than all other questions. Just love.
6 I have given dad deep joy.
7 I am a man of God, dad told me so. I have his deepest blessing. My heart is his heart.
8 Please God, I will please dad.
9 Obedience is learned through suffering, don’t know why, but somehow it is.
10 Remember heaven.
11 Trust God, he will work things out. It is all about trust.
12 Dad found his peace in Romans. Things working out better. Study hard in Romans. It’s there.
13 I told dad I would make him proud; I will keep my promise.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704875604575280400596257236.html

This article was a painful and refreshing read. Well done.

For me, reading this brought me to the brink of tears. I read it surrounded by people working on their computers, so I controlled my emotions best I could. I just miss my dad, still…there isn’t much more to it than that at the end of the day.

God has been growing my heart for adoption recently, especially with things like this. I know a small piece of being half an orphan (fatherless), and have younger siblings who were truly children when they lost my dad (12 & 14). I want to be redemption to children who have lost everything. “Why did you give me up?” has got to be one of the hardest questions a child can live with.

6 Years Later
Ever since my dad died I have fought to believe in the Christian promise of hope–that God does what is best for his children, for me. It is a belief that not one moment of suffering is wasted or purposeless. It is a belief clearly taught in the Bible. And it is a belief that is hard to functionally believe when painful things keep happening to you.

In the midst of this battle to believe, God gives tangible blessings to help us trust him. Blessings like last Wednesday, my dad’s six year anniversary, when I got to see a man dying of ALS come to Christ.

God, Let It Be Today
After starting the morning by remembering my dad with some friends, Pastor Matt Jensen and I drove out to Bellevue to meet Mel. He had requested to talk with a pastor about God and that request had come to us through his cousin, one of the girls in our church.

On the drive over Matt and I both expressed a strong desire to see Mel and his wife Chantal come to Christ–that day. I had never personally led someone to Christ, but with the way God had lined everything up, I was praying fervently that God would let it happen: “Today, God, let it be today!”

I Had Seen It Before
Walking into Mel’s home was like deja vu. I had seen it before, six years before, except the whittled down man in the adjustable bed was my dad, and the woman caring for him was my mom. Pictures around the house chronicling the terrifying journey from normal life to near death, hand made cards from a son to his dad, and the unbearable weight of grief and fear–all too familiar. I had seen it before.

My heart broke as Chantal explained Mel’s fears regarding his past sins and what would happen to him when he died–where he would go. His face was tearfully contorted by the terror of the unknown. This was the man we met at 1:00 pm, Wednesday, May 19, 2010.

I Am Not Afraid
We walked Mel through the good news that Jesus had come to live perfectly and die on his behalf. Matt walked him through Romans 10, asking if he believed Jesus had died for his sins, been raised from the dead, and become the Lord of his life. Mel could barely talk, but he nodded best he could to each question: “Yes.”

Mel still seemed afraid after this. I remembered how my dad, who was ready to meet Jesus, had been strangled by the fear of leaving the family behind. So I asked him if he was afraid to die and stand before God, the reality he had been terrified by when we first walked in. He began to mumble something we struggled to make out. As he continued to repeat this phrase, we realized what he was saying: “I am not afraid! I am not afraid!”

He Can Take Care of Your Son Too
Once I realized Mel was afraid to leave his family behind, especially his 11-year-old son, I shared my brokenness with him. I showed him a picture of my dad and little brother, eleven months before he died. I looked him in the eye and said, through tears, “This is my dad and brother. My brother is eleven in this picture, just like your son. He is eighteen today and a strong man of God. The pain is terrible, but God took care of my brother, and he can take care of your son too.”

Then I told him the church would take care of his family after he was gone. His wife followed this by exclaiming, “Mel, I’m ready to give my life to Jesus too!” My heart overflowed with joy. Salvation had come to their house.

Chantal expressed a desire to read the Bible, pray together, and begin taking the kids to church. After helping them get some initial direction in this we hugged Chantal and said goodbye to Mel, who was smiling peacefully in his bed. There was no more terror in his face, no more fear of death. This is the man we left at 2:30 pm, Wednesday, May 19, 2010.

For the record, my dad died at 1:30 pm, Wednesday, May 19, 2004.
Six years of pain–He has not wasted it.

My friend told me the other day that these posts were really encouraging. He lost his dad in 2003. I asked him for feedback to make them better and he said, “They are great. They are REAL. and thats why I like them. Its great for me because I was not a christian at the time. Dont change, just keep them real.” So I’m going to keep being real, hoping that it continues to help the few or many who read this.