Recently i’ve been aware of my skepticism towards the Bible. Most of my life i would say has been spent reading the Bible with subtle skepticism. In my long 22 years of life (yeah right), i’ve learned that a person’s life bears witness to what they believe in their heart. Why don’t we live like Jesus is God and the Bible is all true and He’s coming back? Quite simply, because we don’t believe it. Of course there are challenges in life, but at the core, it’s a matter of belief or unbelief. As far as i can remember i have always believed that if i stood in front of a moving car, i would be hit and it would be devastating. I cannot remember an instance where i have ever remained in front of an oncoming car instead of moving out of the way. So long as i am sane and not suicidal i don’t expect to ever stand in front of an oncoming car–unless it was to push someone out of the way, in which case i put myself at risk to deliver the other person from what i know to be true–the collision is real and will be devastating.
That is all a roundabout way or describing how recently i’ve been walking in doubt as regards to the person and work of Jesus. Its effects on my life and ministry have been obvious to me, and perhaps to others. The thought of talking to people boldly about Jesus was repulsive to me. I knew it shouldn’t, but i also knew that in my heart it wasn’t something i felt right doing. How could i talk to someone who didn’t believe in Jesus, telling them that He is God and was crucified and resurrected miraculously to rescue sinners? Fear kept growing as i thought about how retarded that sounded and how this or that argument would shred me. All the while “i know” in my head that the Bible is true…but the core, my heart, was far from believing.
By the grace of God i was aware of all this and began to do what i should always be doing–pray. I knew that at the end of the day, either you believe people who say the Bible is a lie or you believe the Bible. You can find arguments for both, but in the end one is true and the other is false. I also knew that i couldn’t zap my heart and make myself believe. This was humbling, and i am so glad for it. I remember how my life changed a little over a year ago–God simply changed my heart and gave me new eyes to believe His Word fully. And i remembered how the Bible spoke of our inability to open our own eyes, and the natural response of Biblical writers, who prayed things like “open my eyes that i may behold wondrous things out of your law” (Ps. 119:18) and that God “may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your heart enlightened, that you may know…” (Ephesians 1:17-18). People write like that because in humility they know that their ability to even believe God’s Word depends on God granting them that gift of faith. So i had been praying that God would do what i could not do, namely enable me to see and believe.
Tonight i was reading John 1 and it hit me like a train. Read it yourself again. It hit me that Jesus was in the beginning, He was with God, and He was God, and being all that, He became flesh and dwelt among us. The rest of the Gospel of John is telling the story of that God who put on flesh–all the way to the cross and past it into the resurrection. The gravity of this simple truth is immeasurable. What can i say except that i was convinced, and am convinced as i write this now. All the arguments and possibilities of who else Jesus might be and what else might be true do not hold any longer. I believe Him. I believe His Name. I believe His Word.
And, i believe the rest of the Bible as truth. It defines the world and my life within it. One of those truths is that every knee will one day bow before Jesus and give Him the glory due His Name. That means myself and Christians, and it also means every person who believes that the Bible is not true, regardless of how scholarly their counter-arguments are. Paul laid this out in 1 Corinthians. The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing. To people who God hasn’t granted faith to believe, it is seriously stupid what you are saying. But to those who God has given faith, namely His sheep (John 10), it is the power of God and full of sweet glory. The proud and “wise” who so confidently stand upon their doubts now will all one day stand before King Jesus and bow their knee. Knowing this makes me want to see as many of those people as possible receive new eyes of faith and repentance so that they can receive Jesus now and bow their knee in joy, unto heaven, not in terror on their way to Hell.
So if you are seeking a way to pray for me, pray that God would continue to humble me and grant me more grace to believe His Word and hunger for more of it. The more i am out of Scripture, the dumber i become. I believe stupid things over the Bible. Pray that i would speak the gospel boldly to those God brings across my path, and that He would grant them repentance and new hearts to receive His Word when they encounter it in me.
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