The pursuit of self-glorification

When God first called me to Japan I had the purest motives. It was simple: Heaven, Hell, eternity, and the offer of salvation and joy in Jesus were real, and my heart broke for all the Japanese who didn’t know this. I still remember the night, March 10, 2007, when I offered my life for the service of spreading the gospel in Japan. My motive for everything was for as many Japanese as possible to spend eternity with Jesus, not separated from Him in Hell. This hope, this future joy, has been my sustenance through various trials God has brought me through thus far.

Somewhere along the way this reality got hijacked. Genesis 4:7. Sin, namely pride, has and probably will always be at my door, crouching and waiting to devour me. Somewhere I bought into a little lie which became more lies and bigger lies until the point of utter folly. My motive for ministry and Japan shifted to me and my name being made great. Desires to preach where Christ has not been named for the sake of bringing good news to the dying were exchanged for desires to do this that I might boast in being the first. 1 Peter 5:5. When I seek my fame, I make myself God’s enemy and contend for the glory that belongs to Him alone. 

God is teaching me this in many ways. I don’t want to be the idiot student who doesn’t listen and learn. Pray that my heart would believe the truth of the Bible, that I am nothing and Jesus is everything, and I can do nothing apart from Him. Pray that my joy would be in people being saved by Jesus and Him receiving worship, though my name and my hands never be connected to it.